For the past three mornings I have been surprised when I have woken up. Not surprised that I have woken up, bit disappointed maybe, but surprised I am still intact. You see every night I have been dreaming about being covered in cuts, bleeding, on my arms my legs, body. And it’s me who’s caused them, sometimes with my nails, othertimes with a blade. I don’t stop until there is blood, in my dreams I feel the pain, it makes me happy. Perhaps it is because cuts, scars are visible, people can see the pain, see the hurt, it’s an expression of how I feel inside something they cannot see.
I haven’t done anything whilst awake. A fact I am quite proud/pleased about. It proves I am stronger, I can fight the urges to hurt myself. I still hear the screams though, inside my head, constant, they only vary in volume not duration, they never stop.
Dragons have sharp claws yes. But this dragoness can’t let them loose on the people who deserve it, she knows if she starts she might not be able to stop. So she turns them on herself for their safety. Plus the pain and blood make her feel better but at least it is only in her dreams now and hopefully that will suffice and ease the thirst.
Just wish the heartrate would settle down, and it doesn’t feel like the Alien is about to claw its way out.
